Catching Up, Part 1

Has it really been SEVEN MONTHS since I last updated this blog?? Wow, this is pathetic, especially because I love to write in my spare time... Granted, spare time for me was quite elusive until recent weeks. Also, those writings are composed in journals between me and God, so it's a little easier for me to do. It doesn't take as much time as blog posts because I just pour out my heart and thoughts without much concern for if it is grammatically and structurally correct (and without any thought as to who may possibly misunderstand my tone or intentions in any given sentence). He already knows what I'm going to say before I say it, so the pressure's off for me to try to write well in order to clearly communicate to Him what I am really trying to say. Now if all of you could only know what I'm going to say before I say it, and understand what I mean by those words, perhaps I'll feel less pressured to spend so much time thinking, organizing, editing, and proofreading. Come on, get with it folks. (I kid, I kid.)


My outdated blog is also pathetic because some of our friends and family members have bought our adoption t-shirts, and they may be wearing them in public. (I know of specifically three people that I have seen wear them out of the house, which may seem like nothing but it is a huge deal to me! Thank you!) Wearing them in public may result in some people seeing our website across the back of the shirt and checking this page out. Which probably has resulted in people that don't even know us pulling it up and assuming the lack of updates means we have either abandoned ship or have completed the adoption by now. We have done neither. Please keep reading :)

Ok, so now that we all know it was pathetic of me to neglect the blog, I am going to try to fight the urge to create perfectly written posts in hopes that it will help me actually enjoy this more instead of stressing about it. I love to write letters, and I would love to be able to talk in posts as if I'm writing my best friend... just honestly, openly, without fear of being judged or offending. I have started many posts sporadically in my phone as things come to mind that I'd like to share with you regarding our adoption or just adoption in general, but I keep putting them off. I think I've been in college too many years, which has largely contributed to the anxiety I feel each time I sit down in front of my computer and start typing. Like I am writing something that is going to be graded or critiqued.

I also have been hesitant to post because I teeter on my intentions for this blog. Do I want this to be an "information only" blog where I simply keep to the facts of what's going on? Or do I want to share anything and everything that weighs on my heart along the journey also, knowing that this will make me vulnerable to judgments, being misunderstood, and probably offending some people?

So regardless of what I end up choosing to do, I'll finally update you now. There is so much to say, but I don't want to turn this into a novel. I'll just start with what's going on now, and then walk you backwards from there in "Part 2," which is already drafted and should be published on here within the next day or two.

Right now we are waiting to be matched with an orphan or up to two orphans, boy(s) or girl(s) ages 4 or under, so that we can then receive a referral for them and start court process to bring them home. We do not know how long we will be waiting before we get matched; When the program first opened it was an anticipated 3-6 month wait, but now it is longer. At the same time we are also currently trying to start saving again for the next fees and expenses that will be coming up when we receive that referral. The latest payment, which covered our I600A form (U.S. Immigration) fee, part of our agency fee, and part of our attorney fee for the lawyer that is representing us in DRC, wiped out all that we had left from fundraisers/donations and the remainder of what we had personally saved specifically for the adoption. (In a related note, the "Donate through WePay" button to the right is an active, safe way to help us if it is laid on your heart to do so. For all our supports- past, present, and future- we are humbled and grateful for your love and compassion that compels you to do so.)

We are finished with our end of things as far as education credits and mountains of paperwork and home study fun... well, for the most part. We just moved from Florence, Alabama to Chelsea (near Birmingham) on March 1. I FINALLY earned my degree! I graduated in December 2012 from UNA with my bachelor's in Elementary Education. Brett received a job transfer to Birmingham in October and was commuting there 4-5 days a week- a 5 HOUR trip there and back each time. We then put our house up for sale January 1 and were not able to move until March. Because we have moved, our home study will need to be updated with new information. This shouldn't be a big deal but might be a task, seeing as our home study is still sitting at Immigration waiting for approval. Hopefully this won't cause yet another setback, but even if it does we will still be on the wait list at the same time. In November, when we were first put on the list, our case worker "M" let me know just how bad the situation is over there and why there have been delays in matching families. (Without going into detail, corruption is the problem.) In January I received an e-mail and was told it could "potentially be a long time" before we are matched. Sigh. This is so hard for so many reasons, the obvious one being that there are millions of orphans waiting, hoping, dreaming. And there are probably thousands of families like us doing all they can to bring home their children, reminding themselves that with each passing day they are surely one day closer to meeting and bringing home the ones they loved long before they even saw the first picture.

For us, we knew when we signed up for this pilot program that a very unreliable timeline was one of the risks involved. We also knew the orphan crisis is too great to even imagine. In the DRC alone the orphans are so numerous that many live on the streets, trying to care for their siblings as well as themselves at an age that the rest of us are sending our kids to kindergarten.

But despite the urgent crisis, the timeline varies agency to agency, country to country, family to family. For example, a country that has a stable relationship with U.S. and has worked to develop a more predictable, routine process is going to have a fairly dependable timeline. Another example is that the timeline will, in most cases, be shorter when the adopting family is open to older children and children with special needs. Because we are open to a child up to 4 years old, it is likely that we won't be waiting to be matched as long as a family that is waiting for an infant even if they are closer to the top of the wait list than us. Regardless, the program initially had an approximate timeline of about 12-15 months, then an updated one a few months after that (15-18 months), and then another one in December (18-24 months). As you can imagine, with each of these came disappointment, frustration, pain, and heartache. But also in each one we've experienced an even deeper reliance on God and trusting in Him alone while seeking out what He desires us to do. We take each step seriously because another child's life- possibly two- depends on our decisions.

So we don't have a timeline with any detail because apparently the DRC is a much harder country to start up a program in than other countries have been in the past. The agency we are with is very trustworthy and they do not believe in allowing bribery or participating in other forms of corruption in order to get their clients matched and moved through courts faster. Their integrity we've witnessed thus far is admirable. They are determined to do things right, even if that ends up being a harder road. Through reading blogs I have came across some other adoptive families that have completed the process significantly faster through different means other than large agencies, but even then the wait is rarely under a year, which still seems too long when the need is so great.

We started this process 16 months ago. When setback after setback first started occurring we considered switching agencies or possibly switching to a different program within our agency like we were told some other couples were doing (and "M" invited us to do the same if we wanted), but we believe we are doing the right thing by sticking with this one. We have invested so much time, so many tears, and a lot of prayer and money (as well as others who have supported us) into this specific journey so I don't see us being led out of it, as tempted as we have been. We are being stretched and we are growing, and if I decide to be vulnerable on here then I will go into more detail on just what the "stretching and growing" has looked like for me.

So why does it take so long? That's one of the biggest questions I get asked. I wish it wasn't this way. It is a process that is much more complicated than one would think because so much is involved (along with so many people in authority over various aspects of it). There are domestic and international government policies and laws to be followed and the paperwork fulfilled, unreliable court processes, disorganization and chaotic conditions within the way orphanages are being run, and (shocker) corruption everywhere. So as children through no fault of their own sleep on the streets or in overcrowded orphanages with hungry bellies tonight, we have no choice but to continue to pray hard and wait.

We have to just be patient and keep trusting God's timing. We see now why it's best that our original timeline and plans did not work out (which had us anticipating bringing our child home by now), and I will share about that a little more in detail in Part 2.

Thank you to those who have come alongside us on our journey. Your kind words, donations, and prayers have meant more to us than you know.

PS- To anyone considering adoption: PLEASE DO NOT LET THE DIFFICULTY OF IT KEEP YOU FROM DIVING IN! It's worth it. It's worth it.