God Knew

Remember in this post I mentioned that I'm not sure if I want to make this an "information only" blog or if I want to be raw and honest? Well, this post is a result of me deciding to let you take a peek into my heart.

"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." (Prov. 19:21) 

When we first began this journey in December of 2011 by attending an informational meeting and choosing the Congo program, we thought we knew what to expect. In our plans, we would quickly move through the home study process, be matched with a little boy or girl within a few months, and spend every moment possible planning fundraising events and preparing to bring him or her home. We were hopeful that we would be planning our trip to the DRC to pick him or her up while simultaneously planning my graduation from college in December 2012 since we were given a timeline of 12-14 months. I even envisioned how neat it would be if the dates fell in such a way that we would be heading to Africa within days after my graduation ceremony. 

We didn't know all of the hangups and setbacks and mountains and valleys and tears and frustrations and disappointing moments that would bring us to where we are now.

But... God knew.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)

We thought that our plans would work out pretty perfectly. We were pursuing Him and His will for our lives, after all. We knew that our heart for adoption was directly an overflow of His heart into ours. We would, even to this day, bet our lives on the fact that He has called us down this path. Where we messed up is that we really thought He would be on board with what we planned for this path to look like. We didn't know the timeline we were counting on would not only be drastically changed, but thrown out the window altogether. But He knew. And I'm thinking He would've told us, if we would've thought to ask.

From where I stand now, I can look back and see some things. (Hindsight is always 20/20, right?) I can see that at the beginning we were trusting ourselves and our plans more than His plans. When your eyes are opened to the plight of the orphans, you want to do whatever you can as quickly as you can. It feels right and it feels like the only thing to do. Why wouldn't God want us to bring one home as soon as possible? Our intentions were so genuine and so good. However...

I can see now that having a child or two (since we've learned that His plans just might involve more than one, despite our initial plans) home with us just as we began packing up the house to move into a new city a few months later would have been overwhelming, to say the least, for him/her/them.

I can see now that He is challenging us to become debt-free while also adopting without going into debt. (Our original plan for covering adoption costs was to save and fundraise the best we could, then take out a loan for any remaining amount necessary.) It is hard to determine how much excess monthly income to pour into debt and how much to pour into our adoption account, especially since this "excess" I speak of is not by any means an impressive number. But He is teaching us, and He is proving Himself faithful over and over again as we seek to do this His way and not our own.

I can see now that I am in a season of my life where I can place a lot of my attention into what He is calling me to do locally, some of which will not be able to get a lot of my time and energy for the first 3-6 months after bringing our child(ren) home. Instead of worrying about my child(ren) daily, I must focus on the task-at-hand. By asking myself, "Lord, what would You have me do TODAY?" I can fulfill His plans and purposes for me in this season. He's wanting to mold me in so many different ways right now - into a better mom, wife, homemaker, friend, sister, teacher, neighbor, and more - and I'll miss valuable opportunities to be molded if I focus on the adoption alone. Don't misunderstand; It is good and important for me to think about and pray for the children He is bringing into our family, as well as to pray and advocate for all orphans. I just have to be careful, because my passion runs so deep that it can consume me and distract me from the other things He has for me to do.

I'm still learning a lot; I'm definitely a work-in-progress.

I can see now our adoption process isn't the dead end that it's felt like so many times in the past. It is moving like the ocean waves during a high tide: forward... then back... and forward again. Ever so gradually, yet ever so assuredly as well. And, just as the tide, our adoption is being directed by God alone, not man.

He knew that I would face discouragement and often feel helpless as the need is so great yet the road so bumpy. He knew the tears were coming, and He can relate to the heartache and longing I feel for my child(ren) I haven't even seen a picture of yet. He's been with us, and them, every single step of the way. He's not gonna leave.

Not a single aspect of this journey has caught Him by surprise. Not only is He not surprised by anything thus far, but nothing in the future is going to catch Him off guard either. He holds the future in His hands. So that's good enough reason for me to not worry or stress about a single thing. That's good enough reason for me to trust Him above all. He knows... He's always known.... He will forever know. And He knows best.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Catching Up, Part 2

Ok, time to back up. I'm going to do this with some help from one of my first blog posts:

Since being accepted, we have: Had the orientation phone call, completed two of the four required home study interviews, started on the required training modules and required readings, and dug into the mountain of paperwork. When our home study is complete in the next 1-2 weeks, the next step will be to wait on our referral. 

Our home study hit some major setbacks shortly after I wrote that. If I could go back, I would say to the naive Desiree: "You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." (Prov. 19:21) It's definitely a verse I will never forget now, regarding not only adoption but also every other area of my life.

Our social worker "M" went on early maternity leave due to doctor's orders, but that wasn't really a big deal because they just temporarily assigned someone else to us until she could come back. However, the new social worker brought to light some important things that were missing in our file before the home study interviews could be completed. We also needed to finish those fun required readings and training modules, which took a few weeks longer than we hoped due to our insanely busy school and work schedules. It was so hard to try to meet all the demands in our lives when our hearts just wanted to put everything on standby and finish all that was necessary to move forward in our adoption process. Our hearts were so weary and torn during this time. By the time we finished everything that needed to be done, "M" was back from maternity leave. We met her for our final home studies and all we lacked was processed Child Abuse and Neglect (CAN) forms.

These forms are required for each state we've lived in, so there were three for Brett and me: North Carolina, Tennessee, and Alabama. The NC and AL ones came back swiftly, but when "M" checked on our TN ones she found out they needed to be resubmitted because there was a policy change that went into effect the days immediately following when they received ours (which they failed to notify her or us about). As annoying as that was, it was an easy fix. Then, a couple weeks later we found out our re-submitted forms got misplaced when "M" called to check on their status. (And I must say, we absolutely love "M". The setbacks we had with our CANs could have taken even longer if she wasn't always checking on them. We don't blame her for any of the problems we've encountered.)

By the time all of this was cleared up, months had passed. We finished our home study meetings, documents, and requirements in October. A process that normally takes 2-4 months on average (but can take as little as 2-4 weeks in some more rare instances) took us about 10 months. This should be mighty encouraging to any fellow adopting couples that have started the home study but hit setbacks. I was so discouraged at many points, but thankfully God always refocused me and reassured me that He knows what He is doing. That maybe, just maybe, He's up to something bigger than we know when things don't work out according to our plans.

So November arrived and we thought we could breathe. We were told that we were on the wait list and that I would be called soon to discuss where we were on it. I was so excited. Anyone who has adopted before knows what a relief it is to have a number, even if that number is high. It still feels like an accomplishment, a step closer. It is also tangible proof that you are not driving yourself insane without good reason- your child(ren) is(are) waiting while you also wait and work to get there, and as that number drops the waiting for all involved will get shorter and shorter. Because we are in a pilot program that is currently not accepting any more new families until our agency gets more families matched and more orphans home with their new adoptive families, I had an educated guess that, worst case scenario, we would be about #20 on the list. After playing phone tag with "M" for several days, we ended up being told that they've decided to not give out numbers for many reasons, all of which I do understand. Yet another joy to being in a pilot program.

After we finished our home study interviews, "M" still needed to write it up and prepare it for Immigration. We received our final copy of it for review sometime in November and the agency sent it to Alabama DHR, who requires they approve it before it is sent to Immigration. Meanwhile, we sent our I600A to Immigration, along with the required fee.

Well... guess what happened to our home study when it got to Alabama DHR?

It was finally located - and swiftly approved - in February. Off to Immigration it went.

On Thursday I received an e-mail from our Immigration officer assigned to our case. I can't talk about it due to confidentiality, but we encountered yet another road block, again not of any fault of ours or "M"s. It is an easy fix though, and hopefully we will have our Immigration approval soon. This setback isn't a big deal, since it could potentially be several more months until we get our referral for our child(ren) anyways.

To anyone else that keeps facing seemingly unending stumbling blocks in pursuit of something that's been placed in your heart by God, remember James 1:2-4. Endurance is so very crucial, and we can consider these trials as opportunity for great joy. Nothing of high value comes easily. When you are following the will of God for your life, satan will do whatever he can to make you turn around. We are not going to back down and we are not going to give up. To God the glory for being our strength and our joy. I look forward to what's coming, because I know that He's got this all already planned out. And His plans are GOOD.

Catching Up, Part 1

Has it really been SEVEN MONTHS since I last updated this blog?? Wow, this is pathetic, especially because I love to write in my spare time... Granted, spare time for me was quite elusive until recent weeks. Also, those writings are composed in journals between me and God, so it's a little easier for me to do. It doesn't take as much time as blog posts because I just pour out my heart and thoughts without much concern for if it is grammatically and structurally correct (and without any thought as to who may possibly misunderstand my tone or intentions in any given sentence). He already knows what I'm going to say before I say it, so the pressure's off for me to try to write well in order to clearly communicate to Him what I am really trying to say. Now if all of you could only know what I'm going to say before I say it, and understand what I mean by those words, perhaps I'll feel less pressured to spend so much time thinking, organizing, editing, and proofreading. Come on, get with it folks. (I kid, I kid.)


My outdated blog is also pathetic because some of our friends and family members have bought our adoption t-shirts, and they may be wearing them in public. (I know of specifically three people that I have seen wear them out of the house, which may seem like nothing but it is a huge deal to me! Thank you!) Wearing them in public may result in some people seeing our website across the back of the shirt and checking this page out. Which probably has resulted in people that don't even know us pulling it up and assuming the lack of updates means we have either abandoned ship or have completed the adoption by now. We have done neither. Please keep reading :)

Ok, so now that we all know it was pathetic of me to neglect the blog, I am going to try to fight the urge to create perfectly written posts in hopes that it will help me actually enjoy this more instead of stressing about it. I love to write letters, and I would love to be able to talk in posts as if I'm writing my best friend... just honestly, openly, without fear of being judged or offending. I have started many posts sporadically in my phone as things come to mind that I'd like to share with you regarding our adoption or just adoption in general, but I keep putting them off. I think I've been in college too many years, which has largely contributed to the anxiety I feel each time I sit down in front of my computer and start typing. Like I am writing something that is going to be graded or critiqued.

I also have been hesitant to post because I teeter on my intentions for this blog. Do I want this to be an "information only" blog where I simply keep to the facts of what's going on? Or do I want to share anything and everything that weighs on my heart along the journey also, knowing that this will make me vulnerable to judgments, being misunderstood, and probably offending some people?

So regardless of what I end up choosing to do, I'll finally update you now. There is so much to say, but I don't want to turn this into a novel. I'll just start with what's going on now, and then walk you backwards from there in "Part 2," which is already drafted and should be published on here within the next day or two.

Right now we are waiting to be matched with an orphan or up to two orphans, boy(s) or girl(s) ages 4 or under, so that we can then receive a referral for them and start court process to bring them home. We do not know how long we will be waiting before we get matched; When the program first opened it was an anticipated 3-6 month wait, but now it is longer. At the same time we are also currently trying to start saving again for the next fees and expenses that will be coming up when we receive that referral. The latest payment, which covered our I600A form (U.S. Immigration) fee, part of our agency fee, and part of our attorney fee for the lawyer that is representing us in DRC, wiped out all that we had left from fundraisers/donations and the remainder of what we had personally saved specifically for the adoption. (In a related note, the "Donate through WePay" button to the right is an active, safe way to help us if it is laid on your heart to do so. For all our supports- past, present, and future- we are humbled and grateful for your love and compassion that compels you to do so.)

We are finished with our end of things as far as education credits and mountains of paperwork and home study fun... well, for the most part. We just moved from Florence, Alabama to Chelsea (near Birmingham) on March 1. I FINALLY earned my degree! I graduated in December 2012 from UNA with my bachelor's in Elementary Education. Brett received a job transfer to Birmingham in October and was commuting there 4-5 days a week- a 5 HOUR trip there and back each time. We then put our house up for sale January 1 and were not able to move until March. Because we have moved, our home study will need to be updated with new information. This shouldn't be a big deal but might be a task, seeing as our home study is still sitting at Immigration waiting for approval. Hopefully this won't cause yet another setback, but even if it does we will still be on the wait list at the same time. In November, when we were first put on the list, our case worker "M" let me know just how bad the situation is over there and why there have been delays in matching families. (Without going into detail, corruption is the problem.) In January I received an e-mail and was told it could "potentially be a long time" before we are matched. Sigh. This is so hard for so many reasons, the obvious one being that there are millions of orphans waiting, hoping, dreaming. And there are probably thousands of families like us doing all they can to bring home their children, reminding themselves that with each passing day they are surely one day closer to meeting and bringing home the ones they loved long before they even saw the first picture.

For us, we knew when we signed up for this pilot program that a very unreliable timeline was one of the risks involved. We also knew the orphan crisis is too great to even imagine. In the DRC alone the orphans are so numerous that many live on the streets, trying to care for their siblings as well as themselves at an age that the rest of us are sending our kids to kindergarten.

But despite the urgent crisis, the timeline varies agency to agency, country to country, family to family. For example, a country that has a stable relationship with U.S. and has worked to develop a more predictable, routine process is going to have a fairly dependable timeline. Another example is that the timeline will, in most cases, be shorter when the adopting family is open to older children and children with special needs. Because we are open to a child up to 4 years old, it is likely that we won't be waiting to be matched as long as a family that is waiting for an infant even if they are closer to the top of the wait list than us. Regardless, the program initially had an approximate timeline of about 12-15 months, then an updated one a few months after that (15-18 months), and then another one in December (18-24 months). As you can imagine, with each of these came disappointment, frustration, pain, and heartache. But also in each one we've experienced an even deeper reliance on God and trusting in Him alone while seeking out what He desires us to do. We take each step seriously because another child's life- possibly two- depends on our decisions.

So we don't have a timeline with any detail because apparently the DRC is a much harder country to start up a program in than other countries have been in the past. The agency we are with is very trustworthy and they do not believe in allowing bribery or participating in other forms of corruption in order to get their clients matched and moved through courts faster. Their integrity we've witnessed thus far is admirable. They are determined to do things right, even if that ends up being a harder road. Through reading blogs I have came across some other adoptive families that have completed the process significantly faster through different means other than large agencies, but even then the wait is rarely under a year, which still seems too long when the need is so great.

We started this process 16 months ago. When setback after setback first started occurring we considered switching agencies or possibly switching to a different program within our agency like we were told some other couples were doing (and "M" invited us to do the same if we wanted), but we believe we are doing the right thing by sticking with this one. We have invested so much time, so many tears, and a lot of prayer and money (as well as others who have supported us) into this specific journey so I don't see us being led out of it, as tempted as we have been. We are being stretched and we are growing, and if I decide to be vulnerable on here then I will go into more detail on just what the "stretching and growing" has looked like for me.

So why does it take so long? That's one of the biggest questions I get asked. I wish it wasn't this way. It is a process that is much more complicated than one would think because so much is involved (along with so many people in authority over various aspects of it). There are domestic and international government policies and laws to be followed and the paperwork fulfilled, unreliable court processes, disorganization and chaotic conditions within the way orphanages are being run, and (shocker) corruption everywhere. So as children through no fault of their own sleep on the streets or in overcrowded orphanages with hungry bellies tonight, we have no choice but to continue to pray hard and wait.

We have to just be patient and keep trusting God's timing. We see now why it's best that our original timeline and plans did not work out (which had us anticipating bringing our child home by now), and I will share about that a little more in detail in Part 2.

Thank you to those who have come alongside us on our journey. Your kind words, donations, and prayers have meant more to us than you know.

PS- To anyone considering adoption: PLEASE DO NOT LET THE DIFFICULTY OF IT KEEP YOU FROM DIVING IN! It's worth it. It's worth it.