REFERRAL DAY!

I'm not sure words can ever do justice to accurately portray to you what this day has been like. I think I will have to make this a 2-part series; Perhaps I can give the details of what happened today now and then I can dig deeper into the more intimate aspects of what today was like for me in the next part. I've been an emotional wreck all day and I need to get up very early tomorrow, so this is actually sounding like an ideal game plan... Otherwise I'll be up for hours writing, editing, and perfecting everything I want to try to say. As I said, the words aren't going to come easily and I have to be careful with what I share until the adoption is complete.

My phone rang at 10:44 a.m. It's "M," our social worker/DRCongo program coordinator. She does most communication through e-mail, so when she calls it is usually because she has something pretty significant to say.

"Hello??" I say in anticipation, as if I didn't know who it was, a smile already plastered across my face.

"Hello Desiree! How are you?" she replies in a very cheerful voice. My smile gets even bigger. I can tell she's got news.

"I'm doing great, what's up??"

"Well I have good news... with a curve ball." Hmm. Curve ball. She still sounds chipper, so bring it on.

"Ok, we're fine with curve balls, let's hear it!" (In case you can't tell, M and I talk more like friends than two people with a professional relationship. I guess this just happens when you're working with someone on such an extremely personal level.)

She shared with me that she is excited to let me know that she does have a child they want to refer to us. The referral is very different than what we were expecting based on a recent conversation we had (oh!... there's that curve ball), but no less valuable to us than the anticipated referral. God works in the most mysterious ways, and I love how He is always keeping us on our toes.

M shared with me an overview regarding the child we would soon be receiving a referral packet for immediately after we signed some paperwork. With her first sentence about the child, I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks. The tears were brought on by a violent mixture of joy and pain. They didn't stop for 30 minutes. I tried to keep it together while on the phone with her and soak in as much of the information that she was giving me as I could. I asked a few different questions regarding the "curve ball" aspect so that I could fully understand and relay to Brett what was going on. When I got off the phone with M, I texted Brett. "We need to meet for lunch. Call me when you aren't busy." Then I set my phone down, let the sobs come out, and prayed. This whole referral day was not going as I had envisioned it going in my head many times over the course of these past ten months of being on the wait list- and ultimately, since we first signed onto this program in December 2011. I knew orphans become orphans as a result of heart-wrenching, tragic circumstances. Because I knew this, I did not think that hearing of such circumstances would impact me so instantly and so profoundly. My heart was literally broken for this child that we hope to bring into our family. Mommy instincts were already in full swing and all I wanted to do was make everything all right; something too great for Mommy to do in her own strength. I prayed and cried out to God for this child until I was interrupted by my phone ringing. It was Brett. I shared with him all I knew and we planned to meet somewhere that had wifi for lunch so that we could sign the documents, scan and e-mail them to M (man, the ability to scan and e-mail documents instantly from your phone is so wonderful in times like these!), and open the referral packet together.

I printed the documents off, quickly got Brielle and myself ready (we wore our matching adoption t-shirts), grabbed the laptop, and headed out the door. Getting us ready to go was an interesting adventure. I was so excited/saddened/hopeful/an emotional basket case that I literally could not think straight. I walked the house, going one room to the next, totally forgetting why I went in there or what I was looking for or what steps needed to take place in order to get us both ready as quickly as possible. Brielle probably thought her Mom was nuts. I told her we needed to get ready to go because we were going to see a picture of "our orphan." Now, some may think such a phrase sounds wrong or insensitive (or maybe it's just me that feels that way each time I say it?), but Brielle began using that phrase over a year ago in her prayers when talking to God about the adoption. She condensed "future brother, future sister, or one of each, or two of each" into "our orphans." I went into my closet and, forgetting why I even went in there, came as close to having a panic attack as I ever have in my life as I realized the immense financial obligations that we need to fulfill between now and when we travel in roughly one year to pick up our son/daughter. I pleaded very loudly for God to help me find a teaching job SOON. My breathing slowed down as He quieted me with His love. Then, in response to His obvious presence, I intentionally chose to place all my trust back on Him. I know from prior experiences that it wasn't my only choice in that moment of anxiety and fear, but it was by far certainly the best. The worry trying to overcome me was instantly dehydrated to death as a result of Him reminding me of the truth: He is worthy to be trusted and He will not leave us or forsake us, no matter what comes our way!!

I mentioned a minute ago that before we could receive the referral packet, M had some forms to send us that we needed to read and sign: A disclosure form, in which we agree not to share information with others on the internet about our child (health history, family history, photos) until after we receive permission from the judge in Congo; a referral risk statement, in which (among many things) we express understanding that accepting the referral does not guarantee the child will become our daughter/son until we pass court in Congo and the US Embassy issues him/her a visa; another risk statement; and a DRCongo social media risk statement in which we agree (among many things) to not post pictures on any public domain site until after the US Embassy has issued the visa.

I stuck the documents in my Bible, placed my laptop and the Bible in the front seat, made sure I had Brielle fully ready, and we were off to meet Brett. As I was driving, I glanced over at the Bible and the papers sticking out of it. I didn't realize when I did that how significant of a move it was, but as I glanced at it I thought of how God's promises were literally enveloping those papers, just as His promises and purposes have enveloped... are enveloping... and will envelope this adoption. He that has began a good work in us will complete it. I thought about how explicitly the Bible reveals God's heart, compassion, and fiery devotion for orphans. I thought about what a major role adoption played in some of the most significant parts of our stories as children of God, past and present: Mordecai adopted Esther, Moses adopted by the Pharoah's daughter, Jesus adopted by Joseph... Us adopted into God's family through faith in Jesus Christ. "Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace He has poured out on us who belong to His dear Son." -Ephesians 1:4-6

I felt the Holy Spirit comforting me and letting me know that God is pleased with us. There is no greater feeling than those moments where I can literally sense His pleasure in what I am doing, which sometimes happens when I am doing the most seemingly mundane or unimportant things. The more I draw near to Him, the more often I hear that from Him. He knew my aching heart needed to hear it in that moment. He wanted me to be able to refocus on His redemptive and mighty power, which will bring Him much glory, honor, and praise from us, from our children, and from hopefully many who hear our story now or next year or ten years down the road.

I'm not doing so well at just giving you a brief rundown of our day. Sigh.

We met at Panera, ordered some lunch, and sat down to read the documents.

While we read, signed, scanned, and e-mailed, Brett let Brielle play on his iPad in hopes that it would keep her from listening to us and catching onto any details that we didn't want her knowing about. (She is very attentive and understands things that do not seem like things a five year old should be able to comprehend. But let her watch tv or play on technology and she's instantly, completely sucked in.)

We noticed an error on one of the documents, so I called M to find out what to do about it. She told us what to do and let us know that as soon as she received the documents she would immediately be sending us the referral packet. Sure enough, not a minute after we sent the documents from my phone, I got an e-mail notification. New Message from M- "Here you go: C**** Referral Packet"

With butterflies in my stomach, I had another state of confusion similar to my getting ready escapades at home an hour earlier and suddenly couldn't work my laptop! I handed it off to Brett. It wouldn't connect to the internet. He grabs his iPad while I try to remember how to forward e-mails from my phone (something I do on a regular basis). It doesn't help that I have two different e-mail accounts, both with different apps on different screens on my dumb smarter-than-me-phone. I figured it out after some exasperation and forwarded it to Brett's e-mail. Sobered by what we already knew about the referral that I learned during the first phone call this morning, we opened up the e-mail.

This child. This child has my heart, my devotion, my everything and anything he/she could ever want or need. In the deep eyes you see despair, something I will venture to say can be seen in nearly all orphans young and old. God's design is for us all to have a family, a safe place to be loved, guided, accepted, and nurtured. But I see beyond the sadness and I see a beautiful heart and I see God's beloved. I understand in an entirely deeper sense what the Psalmist means when he says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I fear the wrath of God upon anyone that would look at such a child, "the least of these" that Jesus clearly has a mighty, compassionate love for (read Matthew 25), and render them unworthy of love or less valuable than a birth child or even despise them when they did absolutely nothing to be in the position they are in. They did not ask or deserve any of it. Every single child is fearfully made by a God that is certainly worthy to be feared. By the way, have you ever looked up "fear" in the Bible?

I did that several months back in an attempt to find verses to help me overcome fear I was having as a result of satan trying to mess with me in a couple different areas of my life. Do you know what I found? The Bible speaks way more about fearing God than it does of not fearing evil. Fear in its purest form is holy and is meant to draw us closer to God. All of the verses make it clear that evil should not be feared; Only God is powerful enough and worthy of fear. So when you look at "fearfully and wonderfully made" in light of the fact that only God should be feared, it's so clear that He takes each of His masterpieces seriously. (And even though He is the only one worthy to be feared, He comforts us: "Do not fear." Because He loves us. But sometimes we must understand how worthy and mighty and holy He is and how unworthy and wimpy and sinful we are so that we can fully accept and embrace the salvation and life He freely offers us.) Wonderfully made. This orphan that, God willing, will soon be ours... greatly, magnificently, admirably made.

Sitting there in the middle of a packed Panera, it was as if we were the only ones in the place. We took several moments to acknowledge and marvel in the intricate craftsmanship of God in the details of the child's face as we stared at the one picture we were sent. I know with all that's within me that God is going to "give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for His own glory." (Isaiah 61:3) I speak that over this child- God willing, soon I can say MY child- and I praise God for His faithfulness.

I took my eyes off of the screen just long enough to take a peek at Brett's face. With a huge smile on his face, love and adoration was pouring out of his eyes as he looked at his future son or daughter and studied him/her carefully just as I was. Brett then told Brielle to come look at her brother/sister as I recorded her reaction. I will post that video on this blog in a few weeks. It's so sweet.

Now we needed to take care of business. I called M and expressed our joy to be receiving this referral. I asked what we need to do, and we talked a few minutes. We needed to write M and let her know if we officially accept or deny the referral.

2:43 PM

M,
This message is to inform you and all others involved that we are prayerfully and wholeheartedly accepting the referral of _____________ without hesitation. We look forward to having the honor of bringing (him/her) into our family.
Sincerely,
Desiree and Brett Richardson

We will have a conference call with her next week about what's to come. And we need to send her a recent family picture for our lawyer to be able to put in our file and to share with a few key players in this adoption.

Brett went back to work. I went to the gym. I thought being an emotional mess would be beneficial in having a great workout. Um, no. I ran the poorest 5k time in my entire history of running and lifting weights was just making me downright angry. This was strange to me, since normally gym time helps me relax and de-stress. Then it occurred to me, I was relaxed. I wasn't stressed. I had joy unspeakable, peace unexplainable, love abounding.

When Brett got off work, he met us at the gym and we rode together to Outback for a celebration dinner. My oldest sister Rachel had blessed me with an Outback gift card a few months ago that I'd been saving, and this seemed like a great time to use it. The hostess sat us and when our server came to the table, we are surprised and happy to see it is a new friend of ours! I met Anthony and his wife Ashley through our mutual friends Jeremy and Stephanie's cookout a couple months ago. Brett had to work that day and didn't get to go to the cookout with me, but he finally got to meet Ashley at Rashann and Jamie's daughter's birthday party last weekend. This was Brett's first time to meet Anthony and we had an awesome time talking with him about everything from adoption to caring for the needy in our city to how our daughters can spin in circles for hours without ever getting dizzy and falling down. Anthony blessed us tremendously, something he didn't have to do. Not only did we feel blessed through conversation with him but he also out of the goodness in his heart gave us his family discount AND surprised us with an appetizer! We did not expect him to do anything for us; We don't know each other really well yet and even if we did, you just don't go into someone's place of work and expect special treatment. I don't use the words "bless" and "blessing" lightly or often because, quite frankly, they get abused, misused, and overused these days in American Christian culture, causing me to sometimes cringe when I hear them used. Anthony, if you read this, you really blessed us and made it a referral day dinner we will not forget. Thank you so much.

And.... this is where I wrap up,  2  3 hours later than I initially planned to. We are choosing to keep our referred child's age and sex off the Internet for a little while because we want to wait and see how things go in the coming weeks. In addition, Brett's mom is throwing us a reveal party in which we will let friends and family guess if it's a boy or girl and we will also reveal what he/she looks like with an enlarged version of the one picture we have. Florence friends and family, please text me or message me on Facebook if you want to come to this party! After the party, I will do a blog post with pictures from the party and I will reveal the sex and age of this precious child that we are pursuing to make a Richardson. Please pray that God's will be done in this child's life.

Anyone reading this that is adopting or has adopted knows that when you accept a referral, you must always be aware of the very real risk that it may not work out. A large number of things could happen that result in the child being pulled from you ("losing the referral") before it becomes Congolese court official (and in rare cases, even after that), which is heartbreaking for obvious reasons. Knowing this could happen to us, we continue down this path fully trusting God and praying that He only cause us to lose this referral if He in His omniscience has a better plan regarding the care and raising of this fearfully and wonderfully made child. We're in love, and it is our hope that we are His plan. Thank you for joining us on this crazy, hard, gloriously beautiful journey.